====== Communication in a successful way ======



===== Topics =====

  * To understand each other is rather unlikely: mean-> say-> hear-> understand -> agree -> implement -> reaction 
  * Conversation = exchange of information + dialogue: 
    * Two levels: content and relationship 
  * 3 steps to criticize or inform about problems 
    * Perception: describe problematic situation, precisely and without depreciation 
    * Impact: make clear the effect: for me, for us, for he organization 
    * Request: wish, demand, suggestion, question, agreement for the futured
 

===== How to deal with criticism =====

  - Listening 
  - Paragraphrasing 
  - asking specify 
  - Appreciating 
  - Stating 
  - Negotiating solutions 

===== 4 ears model =====
 
One sentence can have four level meanings: 
  * content
  * appeal
  * self-disclosure
  * relationship 

===== Dialogue pattern =====

  * Parent ego-state 
  * Adult ego-state 
  * Child ego-state 
    * One should make conversation to adult-adult level, make it efficient and stable 



===== When problems occur =====

  * Instead of problem focus 
    * Blaming others 
    * Looking for excuses, reasons 
    * Suffering, being passive 
  * Consequent  solution focus 
    * What do we need to solve the problem? 
    * Reflect problematic solution 
    * Focus on result, targets, resources 

===== Phases of a conversation =====
  * Opening / introduction: greeting, contact, small talk, checking the mood, agenda (if no agenda, ask people to make one) 
  * Information: topic, background, facts, problem, idea, question 
  * Discussion: actual message, arguments, points of view, concerns, exchange of  messages, problem-> solutions 
  * Results: agreement, measure, sum, concrete action 
  * Ending, closure: next steps, feedback, thank you and bye 

===== Interrupt =====
  * Situation 
    * We are side-tracked 
    * We are too deep into details 
    * We are mixing different topics 
    * I am lost 
    * Someone is talking too long 
  * It is O.K. and necessary to interrupt 
    * Describing what's going on here + problem + request (PIR-feedback) 
    * Appreciate / recognize the topic / intention/  don't judge / devaluate 
    * Asking: what's your point? Is that a topic for all? 
  * I'm getting interrupted: 
    * I let me be interrupted 
    * Continue speaking 
    * Allow a short comment/interruption 
    * 'Just a second' + continue 
    * Insisting: Could you please let me finish .. Please? 
  * Saying 'No' 
    * Listen to your gut feeling: take your concerns serious. Don’t say yes too early 
    * It is OK to say NO. 
    * It is important to say NO. 
    * I'm OK when I say NO. 
    * It's not my task to make people happy. 

===== Lessons learnt  =====
  * Don't initiate: whose fault it is? (Just like two kid fighting, the stronger one wins.) 
  * Don't show off your achievement, celebrate it. (Thank everyone for supporting, we have…) 
  * If someone's personality is weak, he is not a good manager. 
  * It is everyone's responsibility to have a smooth meeting to make problem solved. 
  * Someone come to meeting with good ideas but never talk and just let it go. Given them more space.