TDP1_COM_Reading_Fundamentals & Techniques

1. The impossibility of not communicating
2. The content and relationship aspects of communication
3. The punctuation of a series of events (cause or effect)
4. Digital and analog communication
5. Symmetric and complementary interactions: Similarity and disparity

Each person experiences the world and people in his environment subjectively – on the basis of his individual life experiences and personal circumstances. Everyone lives on their own island.

What a “sender” is expressing in writing, language, gestures and facial expression may be completely clear to him. But the “receiver” always hears, reads or sees this information on the basis of his own personal experience of life and communication. He can only understand the message through the filter of his own “internal map”. The meaning that he gives to the sender’s words and gestures may match what the latter wanted to express – but it may also differ considerably.

thought/intended is not said/written

said/written is not heard/read

heard/read is not understood

understood is not agreed with

agreed with is not implemented

• The participants accept one another in their respective roles and treat each other with fairness and appreciation.
• Differences in hierarchy are not blurred or concealed in this process: the manager remains the manager, the employee remains the employee.
• Communication between equals (as human beings of equal value and on the same level, despite hierarchical differences).
• Participants continue to respect each other even in the event of conflict.

1. Most day to day work discussions are focused on factual information (blue). While people are exchanging factual information, communication is also happening on three other levels that are critically important for communication to move forward successfully. Often, they are only recognizable indirectly (through non-verbal signals/body language), e.g. intonation, facial expression, gestures or demeanor.
2. The sender always reveals something of himself: Self-revelation (green).
3. At the same time, he expresses the nature of the relationship and what he thinks of his conversational partner: Relationship (yellow).
4. He says or shows more or less clearly what he wants the receiver to do: Appeal (red).

• Comprehensibility
  •  As the sender: express yourself matter-of-factly, precisely and comprehensibly.
  •  As the receiver: listen attentively, understand and summarize the information.
• Openness and personal transparency
  •  As the sender: show who you are as a person – show that you are credible and open.
  •  As the receiver: understand your conversational partner on an emotional level as well.
• Establishing a relationship based on respect
  •  As the sender: be appreciative and constructive when dealing with others – even in the event of conflict.
  •  As the receiver: be aware of how the other person establishes the relationship.
• Focus on goals and solutions
  •  As the sender: put across your targets and (role) expectations clearly and without ambiguity.
  •  As the receiver: ask about targets and (role) expectations and take them on board.

In particular, body language gives information about:

•  Agreement vs. rejection: Do we agree or are we critical? Are we keen or hostile? Are we open or closed? Are we convinced or skeptical?
•  Closeness vs. distance: How close and open are we towards others and how do we face them? Are we interested and would like to come closer to them or are we disinterested and want to build barriers?
•  Above vs. below: Who treats whom from a superior, subordinate or equal position? Are strength, dominance and aggression displayed, or rather peaceableness and adaptability?
•  Underlying feelings: What is our emotional state? Do we feel joy, enthusiasm, anger, tension, calm, etc.?

Dimensions of body language

• Body language presents itself in certain dimensions, as follows:
• Gestures
• Facial expressions
• Posture and body movement
• Tone of voice
• Body language is
•  inherited (genetically determined) and
•  learned (socialization, culture)

Basic principles of active listening

•  Try hard to be outward looking and empathetic, to look at the world through the other person's eyes and to understand him (understand his “island”).
•  Try to follow attentively and to understand both rationally and emotionally.
•  Try to bear with pauses for thought and inability to find a solution - they are desirable and can be very helpful in allowing people to clarify things for themselves.
•  Repeatedly sum up what you have understood in both factual and emotional terms (don’t simply repeat parrot-fashion).
•  The expression of emotional content is only ever hypothetical. Do not insist that this is the way it is!
•  Refrain from using examples/stories from your own experience.
•  Focus on your conversational partner's viewpoint, and refrain from offering your “two cents”.

1. Step 1, making contact
   •  A good initial atmosphere has a considerable influence on the further progress of the discussion.
   •  Demonstrate an interest in the other person, give a friendly welcome, offer coffee, etc.
   •  Assume and show appreciation for their willingness to come to the meeting:“Thank you for taking the time …” *
2. Step 2, providing orientation – naming topics
   •  Clarify how much time is available and if necessary, suggest how the discussion can be structured.
   •  Concise start for orientation purposes: 2-3 sentences about the situation and aims from the manager’s point of view, e.g.: “I would like to talk to you about the following situation …” Or: “The reason for this meeting is …”
   • “I” remarks: “This aim/issue is important to me because …” “It is difficult/annoying for e because …”
3. Step 3, defining the situation and aims
   • The participants’ points of view must be comprehensively understood: “What do I/you want to get out of the discussion?” This can only succeed if both parties contribute equally to the discussion. Managers often talk too much and don’t listen enough. To achieve the correct ratio of talking and listening, the following method can be used as a guide:
   •  Open questions: “How do you see the issue?” … “What do you think?” … “What shall we do?”… “What ideas do you have for a solution?”…
   •  Active listening: Understand the employee’s situation and aims (show interest, ask questions, summarize information, allow feelings into play).
   •  Stating a position: As a manager, take a position based on the four role aspects of the inner management team: “I have understood it like this …” “For me, this means …” “It is therefore important to me …” “That would have the following consequences …”
4. Step 4, developing solutions
   •  Is it an open search for consensual solutions? Then: “What ideas do you/do I have …?” “What could we do differently …?” Next: Go through and evaluate the solution options and jointly decide on how to proceed.
   •  Is it a matter of creating conditions in which an approach/solution would be acceptable? Then: “How can I help you to work towards this …?” “What conditions and support do you need in order for this to work …?”
   •  Is it a matter of getting something done or instructing something to be done and possibly pointing out the consequences if this is not complied with? Then: “After weighing up all these considerations, I find the following essential…” “So this is
   • what I expect from you …”
5. Step 5, reaching agreements
   •  Put implementation/agreement into concrete terms By when, what, how exactly?
   • When will we have another meeting?
   •  Enable monitoring: How do we monitor…? How do you/I measure initial success?
6. Step 6, ending the conversation
   • In order to ensure ownership at relationship level as well, it is worth “investing” in a good conclusion to meetings. Summing up and feedback on the discussion are suitable for this:
   •  How did you/I find our cooperation during this discussion?
   •  Even if no consensus was reached, it is important to conclude the discussion by summing up in a cordial tone: We aren’t getting any further on this … I feel the meeting … this issue is important to me and I would like to get to grips with it again later… include xyz … clarify the following before our next meeting…
   •  Express appreciation for constructive moments in the discussion: Even though we haven’t found a solution yet… I understand better … I value your openness … I think it’s good that the conflict has become clearer … etc.