Communication in a successful way

• To understand each other is rather unlikely: mean→ say→ hear→ understand → agree → implement → reaction
• Conversation = exchange of information + dialogue:
  • Two levels: content and relationship
• 3 steps to criticize or inform about problems
  • Perception: describe problematic situation, precisely and without depreciation
  • Impact: make clear the effect: for me, for us, for he organization
  • Request: wish, demand, suggestion, question, agreement for the futured

1. Listening
2. Paragraphrasing
3. asking specify
4. Appreciating
5. Stating
6. Negotiating solutions

One sentence can have four level meanings:

• content
• appeal
• self-disclosure
• relationship

• Parent ego-state
• Adult ego-state
• Child ego-state
  • One should make conversation to adult-adult level, make it efficient and stable

• Instead of problem focus
  • Blaming others
  • Looking for excuses, reasons
  • Suffering, being passive
• Consequent solution focus
  • What do we need to solve the problem?
  • Reflect problematic solution
  • Focus on result, targets, resources

• Opening / introduction: greeting, contact, small talk, checking the mood, agenda (if no agenda, ask people to make one)
• Information: topic, background, facts, problem, idea, question
• Discussion: actual message, arguments, points of view, concerns, exchange of messages, problem→ solutions
• Results: agreement, measure, sum, concrete action
• Ending, closure: next steps, feedback, thank you and bye

• Situation
  • We are side-tracked
  • We are too deep into details
  • We are mixing different topics
  • I am lost
  • Someone is talking too long
• It is O.K. and necessary to interrupt
  • Describing what's going on here + problem + request (PIR-feedback)
  • Appreciate / recognize the topic / intention/ don't judge / devaluate
  • Asking: what's your point? Is that a topic for all?
• I'm getting interrupted:
  • I let me be interrupted
  • Continue speaking
  • Allow a short comment/interruption
  • 'Just a second' + continue
  • Insisting: Could you please let me finish .. Please?
• Saying 'No'
  • Listen to your gut feeling: take your concerns serious. Don’t say yes too early
  • It is OK to say NO.
  • It is important to say NO.
  • I'm OK when I say NO.
  • It's not my task to make people happy.

• Don't initiate: whose fault it is? (Just like two kid fighting, the stronger one wins.)
• Don't show off your achievement, celebrate it. (Thank everyone for supporting, we have…)
• If someone's personality is weak, he is not a good manager.
• It is everyone's responsibility to have a smooth meeting to make problem solved.
• Someone come to meeting with good ideas but never talk and just let it go. Given them more space.